Tag Archives: Support

Finding a Balance

Finding a Balance

BalanceIn our current political environment, I’m struggling—how to find the balance between my responsibility as a spiritual being to protest what I see as grievous transgressions of respect and rational conduct, and my attempts to remain internally grounded and peaceful?

I’ve been reluctant to talk about this question, because I don’t want to risk alienating friends or family members who see things differently. Each of us is on our own personal journey, and I cannot judge where someone else is along that path. That said, the last several months have been very difficult for me. I’ve never been particularly political, and after months of bombardment by distressing presidential campaign rhetoric, I had been looking forward to ‘the end.’

I didn’t anticipate that the end would become ‘the beginning’ of what sometimes feels like an alternate universe. Tirades that would have been considered unspeakable in the past seem to represent this ‘new normal.’ Behaviors that would have been condemned out of hand a year ago have been glossed over, and even embraced as ‘telling it like it is.’ And fake news has flooded social media (the only news source accessed by many, it seems), making it hard to ferret out the factual from the fanciful.

These are the thoughts that have been consuming much of my internal real estate since November 9th.

This morning, I met online with several colleagues who are also working through these issues. It was a chance to be reminded that each of us has a choice in how we live. There is a bigger picture to keep in mind. As author Stephen Covey would say, the political scene is in my Circle of Concern, but much of it is outside my Circle of Influence.

As an individual, I’m discovering that the best way to deal with my internal conflict is to get back to my spiritual and creative roots. Where can I, one single person, make a difference? What can I do personally to make the world a kinder place?

Choosing to take small steps, to approach the issue from a perspective of love rather than a position of fear or antagonism, and praying hard and consistently for courage in the long term, can help me. Focusing on my creative work (painting, writing, sewing, hand analysis) and nurturing my closest relationships provides a renewing lifeline in a time of uncertainty and instability.

As Viktor Frankl so brilliantly put it, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

When you are dealing with turbulent times, what responses are helpful for you?

 

 

Independence and Support

Independence and Support

The holy grail of independence seems to be at the top (or close to it) of the list of qualities in which Americans take pride. I’ve observed, in others and in myself, this cultural stance of the nobility of doing it all, doing it alone, and preferably doing it without complaining about it.

I remember a television advertisement from my childhood. It was an ad for Anacin, and showed a young woman coming completely unglued when her mother suggested adding some salt to a cooking pot. The daughter turns and shrieks, “Mother, please! I’d rather do it myself!!” This outburst was caused by the daughter’s tension headache, which the advertised pain reliever would allegedly cure.

This little drama was manufactured to sell a product. But it does raise a niggling question: How often are we willing to admit that we can’t do it ourselves?diy-sign

I’m a do-it-yourselfer for a couple of reasons. The first, more lofty reason, is that I honestly do like to learn new things. I’m a perennial student. Being able to tackle a project and create something I didn’t know how to create before is exciting and fulfilling.

The second reason is that I feel guilty paying someone else to do something I know I can do (or can learn to do) for myself. For example, I never felt comfortable having someone come in to clean my house, even when I left for work at 7:00 a.m., got home at 7:00 p.m., and had young children. And after years of spending precious Saturdays mowing and trimming the lawn, we finally hired a gardener to come once a week. Our neighbors, I’m sure, were grateful, because we didn’t always spend those Saturdays on yard work, and it showed.

Independence is all well and good, but there are times when it is so much more effective to enlist the support of others. That has been the case for me when it comes to coping with Project Downsize. Really getting a handle on my possessions, discerning which to keep and which to release, can be an emotional minefield.

And this is where support has come to the rescue.

Co-facilitating our KMI Master Mind, Creative Clutter Clearing, has been a huge help in navigating this overarching change in lifestyle. Even though, as a facilitator, I don’t spend time having my particular issues brainstormed, every participant’s issues and insights help me with mine. This is the brilliance and beauty of a Master Mind.

Our next session starts tomorrow, September 29th. If you can use some support and accountability in the quest to manage your clutter, please click on the link above and join us!

Habits

Habits

The other day, a writer I follow on Instagram (hellbentonbliss) posted the following quote by author Octavia Butler:

Octavia Butler, October 2005

Octavia Butler, October 2005

“Forget inspiration. Habit is more dependable. Habit will sustain you whether you’re inspired or not. Habit will help you finish and polish your stories. Inspiration won’t. Habit is persistence in practice.”

This quote absolutely sang to my soul.

As a person who is in the School of Wisdom, for whom decision-making can be angst-ridden to the nth degree, habit is a godsend. It eliminates the need to deliberately think about every action I take.

We all have basic habits, such as brushing our teeth, or exercising, or walking the dog before breakfast. For me, some of those habits were drilled into me as a child, and I haven’t really thought about them since. Others, such as exercising, are the result of a deliberate choice. Making exercise a habit means I don’t stop and think about whether or not to do it every day. It’s just part of the program.

But I can easily slip into some less-than-helpful habits, too. These aren’t habits that I have deliberately chosen, and practiced until they have become automatic. They are the easy-way-around habits, such as diddling on Facebook rather than painting. Replacing such a ‘lazy/comfort’ habit with something more meaningful requires me to think, choose, act, and repeat. Repeat until that deliberate choice becomes automatic.

Thinking and choosing, taking small steps in the right direction, then taking those steps over and over again, has been helping me create new habits around one of my concerns of long standing: managing my clutter. If clutter is an issue for you, too, master coach extraordinaire Mary McDowall and I have created a unique way to approach your habits as they relate to your stuff—our upcoming KMI Master Mind, Creative Clutter Clearing: 10 C’s to Move You from Chaos to Calm. You can learn more about it here.

This Master Mind can create a life-altering transformation of your relationship with your possessions. It’s supportive, filled with tips and tools, and it’s actually fun. Oh, and there are some impressive early bird goodies if you register by Friday, September 23rd!serif-circle-emboss-inner-glow-stroke-dark-purple

Calm Down Space

Calm Down Space

A friend of mine once asked about how to create a ‘calm down’ space and time for her son.

It started me thinking—isn’t a ‘calm down’ space something that is as necessary for adults as it is for children?

Usually, when we are asking children to calm down, it’s a way to get them to detach from a state of ‘motor revving.’ When a child is caught up in an ever-increasing-speed loop, there is a need to break the cycle in order to allow him or her to get back in touch with the physical world and be present with what is.

Aren’t we adults the same? Our exterior demonstration of ‘revved up’ may be much different than that of a child. We may be madly typing, multi-tasking, or plotting the most efficient way to zip through our ‘to-do’ lists. All of that thought and action takes us out of our physical bodies. I have friends who can get so involved in their work that they literally forget to eat, or even to use the bathroom!

Leaf with DewOne idea might be to create a literal ‘calm down’ space for ourselves, then set an alarm so we remember to use it. Maybe the space could be a quiet corner of our office, fitted out with a candle, a book of poetry, or a beautiful photograph. Or maybe it is a short step outside to view the sky or the landscape, or even to carefully examine a leaf on a tree in the back yard. Anything that gets us back in touch with the physical world and reminds us to breathe can become a sanctuary of tranquility.

What or where is your ‘calm down’ space?

Shine Your Heart

Shine Your Heart

Often in my yoga class, when we are either in a cross-legged sitting position or standing straight and tall in Mountain Pose, our teacher tells us, “Shine your heart.” It’s an instruction to pull our shoulder blades back and down, and present our hearts to the world.mountain-pose-815291_1280

It made me think of what this means. When I’m shining my heart, I’m exposed. Standing tall, letting others literally see the place in my body where my heart resides, is a posture of willingness to let others in. It’s a confident stance, but it’s also a vulnerable one.

It’s a contrast to what I often see when I’m out in the world. People walk around the mall or the grocery store hunched over the smartphones clutched a foot from their chests, staring at the ground focusing on the sounds coming through their earbuds, or hugging a grocery cart.

All of these stances are protective. They exclude others; it’s virtually impossible even to make eye contact when the shoulders are stooped and the gaze is lowered. And it makes me sad.

It may just be a posture thing, but it makes me wonder if it’s a vulnerability thing. “Let me draw in and hide myself, so I don’t have to interact with someone who may reject or disapprove of me, or make me feel uncomfortable.”

How about an experiment? Stand up, draw your shoulders towards your stomach, and bow your head. How do you feel?

Now, raise your head and draw your shoulders back, reaching your shoulder blades down towards your hips. How do you feel?

What does it mean for you to ‘shine your heart’?

 

 

Clutter Clearing Meets the Creative

Clutter Clearing Meets the Creative

Once upon a time, I did a lot of sewing—garments for myself, my children, wedding dresses for my daughter-in-law and my sister-in-law. All of that clothing construction meant a lot of fabric, a massive variety of trims, fastenings, elastic, interfacing, zippers….Fabric

Now, I spend more time drawing and painting than sewing. Canvases, watercolor blocks, drawing pads, paints, brushes, palettes, pastels, charcoal, markers….

Art Supplies

And, as I was pondering in my post on downsizing, I’m wondering about how to (and whether to) pare down my creative supplies.

Since my business partner and I are presenting a clutter clearing mastermind circle (email me to learn more), my coach asked me today what benefits come from clutter clearing.

The first, and most obvious for me, is that I can find what I’m looking for. On more than one occasion, I’ve gone out and bought something I knew I had (somewhere), simply because trying to find it took more time and energy than a trip to the store did. Another benefit is easier access to the things I do have—no more pawing through, lifting down, and shoving aside in order to grab what I need. A third is that the clothes I actually wear don’t get crushed and wrinkly, smashed between a lot of unworn garments in the closet.

But how does all this apply to my ‘creative stuff’?

The editor of Threads magazine (a fabulous sewing journal) addressed this question in an editorial a couple of months ago. Are our sewing supplies —that fabric stash, those old patterns, that once-in-a-blue-moon specialty tool — actually clutter?

And how about our art supplies?

When I stop to think about it, those artsy items need organization, so I can find what I want when I want it, can know they’re accessible, and can keep them in good repair. But the clutter clearing criteria I may use for cleaning out my closet or my overloaded kitchen gadget drawer don’t apply to the tools of my artistic trade.

Those tools are creative fodder. They inspire. Even when that piece of vintage fabric isn’t, right now, finding its way into a new skirt, it holds potential and possibility. It’s a reminder of how and why I got involved in sewing in the first place, and it draws me back to this particular form of creative expression.

I believe artistic tools of all types have that potential, and we need some flexibility when it comes to discarding them. When they overwhelm, they need some weeding-out attention. But for me, clearing my ‘creative clutter’ falls into a category (and a process) all its own.

How about you? Do you see your creative supplies as ‘general clutter,’ or do they merit a classification that’s unique?

Clutter Clearing and Life School

Clutter Clearing and Life School

In my last post I mentioned taking a look at how clutter clearing might relate to Life School.

So what does ‘Life School’ mean?Schoolhouse

Think of it as the water in which you’re swimming, the filter through which you see and experience the world. In his book, Lifeprints, Richard Unger describes Life School as “…a soul-level initiation, a life-scale training program that works its way into every corner of your life.” He relates the four schools to four themes of human development:

  • Feeling safe in your body (School of Peace)
  • Development of awareness and intellect (School of Wisdom)
  • Recognition of heart and empathy (School of Love)
  • Inclination to serve others (School of Service)

All of us are challenged to grow in each of these four areas, but your fingerprint patterns reveal which one or two of these need more attention.

Looking at clutter clearing through the lens of Life School helped me to see what my challenges would likely be. I have two Life Schools—Wisdom and Love. A big lesson in the School of Wisdom is learning to make decisions. Wisdom folks want to be right, want to have lots of options all the time, and use the ‘need’ for more and more information as an excuse to avoid that leap off the diving board. So I realize that the pressure to make the ‘right decision’ when it comes to clearing my clutter makes it difficult to decide to let things go.

In the School of Love, the main lesson is emotional authenticity—learning to feel what I’m really feeling and expressing it appropriately, so I can have warm, sincere connections with others. Those loving connections can make it hard for me to let go of items that people I care about have given me. It feels as though giving away that godawful swirly candy dish means rejecting the person who gave it to me (a person I love very much).

This awareness of the pitfalls inherent in my Life Schools is a good example of that old saying, “Forewarned is forearmed.” By knowing the challenges that will prove most difficult for me, I can look ahead and seek solutions to those specific issues.

And, as I mentioned in my last post on downsizing, our KMI Master Mind, The 10 C’s of Creative Clutter Clearing, is coming up. If working with a group on this sometimes sticky issue would be helpful for you, please contact me and I’ll send you the details!

Downsizing

Downsizing

For quite a while now, I’ve been thinking about downsizing.

Clutter has always been a bit of a challenge for me. My home isn’t overrun with items covering every available surface. That said, the closets, shelves and drawers that were empty when we moved to this house 28 years ago have managed to attract enough stuff to more than fill them (and we’ve added a considerable number of storage spaces along the way).

So I began to explore different methods of dealing with my possessions. The KonMari clutter cartoonmethod, which is very popular right now, tells me to put every item I own of a specific type in a pile on the floor, then pick up each item and ask myself if the item gives me joy. If the answer is “yes,” the item is a keeper. If the answer is “no,” it goes into a garbage bag for removal from my space.

Based on Amazon reviews of the book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing, the method works amazingly well for the many who have used it.

That said, just the thought of pulling every item of clothing I own out of closets and drawers feels crushingly overwhelming. It literally stops me in my tracks. So I investigated a number of other clutter clearing/downsizing methodologies. During this investigation, one truth stood out—it’s not really about the stuff. It’s about my own mindset, my own habit patterns, and the way I work best.

This led me to think about how my clutter clearing might relate to my Life School, and how I would most naturally work towards the downsizing goal in a way that would be effective, rather than overwhelming, for me. I’ll be exploring those ideas in a little more detail in an upcoming post.

But for right now, one thing I know is that (even though I’m an introvert) I am much more inclined to tackle a challenging task if I have real, live support around me. And that led to a conversation with my business partner, Mary McDowall, a Master Kaizen-Muse Creativity Coach, and one of the creators of the KMI Master Mind. I’m a certified Kaizen-Muse Creativity Coach, too, as well as a newly-minted KMI Master Mind facilitator (yet another story for another day).

And this radical idea took shape:

Rather than creating yet another course or writing yet another book about clutter clearing, why not approach the challenge from the perspective of a creative masterminding circle? Using a format that allows me to combine the concept of Kaizen* with the creative spark and support of a group of women who are also downsizing?

So—Mary and I are busily putting the finishing touches on The 10 C’s of Creative Clutter Clearing.

Stay tuned!

 

*Kaizen: Breaking huge, overwhelming tasks down into very small steps