Tag Archives: Journey

Finding a Balance

Finding a Balance

BalanceIn our current political environment, I’m struggling—how to find the balance between my responsibility as a spiritual being to protest what I see as grievous transgressions of respect and rational conduct, and my attempts to remain internally grounded and peaceful?

I’ve been reluctant to talk about this question, because I don’t want to risk alienating friends or family members who see things differently. Each of us is on our own personal journey, and I cannot judge where someone else is along that path. That said, the last several months have been very difficult for me. I’ve never been particularly political, and after months of bombardment by distressing presidential campaign rhetoric, I had been looking forward to ‘the end.’

I didn’t anticipate that the end would become ‘the beginning’ of what sometimes feels like an alternate universe. Tirades that would have been considered unspeakable in the past seem to represent this ‘new normal.’ Behaviors that would have been condemned out of hand a year ago have been glossed over, and even embraced as ‘telling it like it is.’ And fake news has flooded social media (the only news source accessed by many, it seems), making it hard to ferret out the factual from the fanciful.

These are the thoughts that have been consuming much of my internal real estate since November 9th.

This morning, I met online with several colleagues who are also working through these issues. It was a chance to be reminded that each of us has a choice in how we live. There is a bigger picture to keep in mind. As author Stephen Covey would say, the political scene is in my Circle of Concern, but much of it is outside my Circle of Influence.

As an individual, I’m discovering that the best way to deal with my internal conflict is to get back to my spiritual and creative roots. Where can I, one single person, make a difference? What can I do personally to make the world a kinder place?

Choosing to take small steps, to approach the issue from a perspective of love rather than a position of fear or antagonism, and praying hard and consistently for courage in the long term, can help me. Focusing on my creative work (painting, writing, sewing, hand analysis) and nurturing my closest relationships provides a renewing lifeline in a time of uncertainty and instability.

As Viktor Frankl so brilliantly put it, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

When you are dealing with turbulent times, what responses are helpful for you?

 

 

Lessons from Spain

Lessons from Spain

I’ve been away for a while. We took a 15-day trip to Spain and Boston from mid-to late October, and the combination of preparing for the trip, taking the trip, and recuperating from the trip, not to mention the turmoil of the presidential election and its aftermath here at home, has meant living in a prolonged state of temporary chaos. I’m finally settling down a bit (albeit in fits and starts), and taking time to think about these past few weeks.

La Sagrada Familia, Barcelona

La Sagrada Familia, Barcelona

The trip was quite an adventure, and as with most adventures, I learned a few things along the way.

The first lesson involved packing for this expedition. Usually, when I take a long trip, especially to a foreign country, I pack a huge suitcase and check it in at the airport. This time, realizing that we’d be doing a lot of plane hopping along the way, and we’d be hard to catch, I worried about losing my luggage. So instead of a virtual steamer trunk, holding more than I could possibly use in two weeks, I traveled with a single carryon suitcase and a tote bag.

Wow! Liberation!

The experience made me think about my internal and external baggage. In truth, it’s the internal baggage that seems to result in the external. The fear of not having or being enough. Fear of boredom, of hurting someone’s feelings, of holding on to extraneous stuff ‘just in case.’ And carrying all of this internal baggage has consequences in the external world— bearing the physical and emotional weight of too much stuff.

We recently completed eight weeks of handling some of that baggage in our Creative Clutter Clearing mastermind. That experience was as liberating as traveling lightly, trusting that we have, that we are, enough.

How about you? What kind of baggage are you carrying? What is it doing for you, and what is it doing to you?

 

 

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Rambling

Rambling

Just want to give you a heads up. This is a much longer post than I usually write. It marks half a year of weekly posts (week 26), so I decided to indulge in a bit of a ramble, and hope you’ll come along.

Yesterday, Kathy Kane’s Writers’ Circle opened a delightfully random trip into my past. She provided the perfect prompt—a YouTube video of Aaron Copeland’s composition, The Quiet City, coupled with the visuals of old photos and Edward Hopper’s paintings.

This is what came:

I don’t know how he does it. Edward Hopper manages to capture that loneliness that permeates the city, the country, the rural, the urban. Even when there are a number of people in the scene, each one seems steeped in solitude.

Minimal lines? Flattened compositions?

His work reminds me a lot of my life as a child in Richmond, California. We had a Chinatown across the bay in San Francisco, a long soda fountain in the supermarket, cafes with a counter and round, backless stools. Gas stations with two pumps (regular and ethyl) dotted Highway 99, the north/south route through the San Joaquin valley, where we’d travel to visit old family friends. The days of swamp coolers, when “Air Conditioned!” signs on movie marquees in that valley meant escape from the 100+ degree sidewalks.

Apartments had tile floors. The first home my parents actually owned had three bedrooms and one bathroom. A mother, a father, and four siblings lived there. A single black rotary telephone with a long nylon cord, a gas wall heater in the hall, and a battered secondhand upright piano in the living room. It felt comfortable.Black Rotary Phone

We had a washing machine, but we also had a washboard. It was a big rectangular wooden frame with a metal interior. At first glance it looked like an oversized grater, but the metal part consisted of horizontal ribs rather than holes for cutting. My babysitter would fill the sink with water, stick that washboard in, and rub clothes up and down the metal ribbing to clean them.

Our laundry was hung on a clothesline, which stretched from the porch to the fence at the other end of the back yard. It had pulleys, so you could pin a sheet, a towel, or a garment, then pull the top of the line towards you, and the garment would sail towards the fence. We could get two rows of clothes going at the same time.

Collecting our dry clothes reversed the operation, pulling the lines to the porch, unclipping the clothespins, dropping the clean laundry into a basket, and returning the clothespins to the clothespin bag. I remember that clothespin bag—striped blue ticking on a hanger, with the front hanging open like a kangaroo’s pouch. I wonder now how we ever got dry clothes, especially in the winter. Living across the bay from San Francisco, we had a lot of fog and a lot of rain. Even summer highs hovered around 70 degrees. The day the clothes dryer was delivered, my mother and sister rejoiced.

We were the last family on the block to get a television set. I was five years old. My dad didn’t believe in buying anything on credit. But the clothes dryer and the TV were two purchases my mom made on her own. We kids were always at someone else’s house, watching TV. Maybe that’s why she took that huge step. Or maybe she just wanted her own chance to relax after a long day at work.Console Television

The day the TV was delivered, I was swinging on the front porch rail. Our porch was painted brick red, with black wrought iron handrails. The delivery men huffed and puffed a huge crate up the steps and into our living room. Television sets came in cabinets back then, like a major piece of furniture. You could close the wooden doors and hide the screen.

But because it ran on tubes rather than on solid state circuits, there had to be space for what seemed like dozens of those glass cylindrical tubes. The TV was at least 24 inches deep. And when the picture went fuzzy, we would pull the tubes out of their sockets and take them down to the supermarket, where there was a ‘tube tester.’ We’d stick each one in the proper sized socket, and when the defective culprit was located, we’d buy a replacement tube, take it home, insert it, and hope for the best. Usually, it didn’t help, and the whole process would begin again.

There were also buttons for horizontal and vertical hold. The picture would sometimes roll like the photos on Instagram when an enthusiastic user is viewing photos. The vertical hold would stop the flipping so we could actually watch the show. Horizontal hold kept the dark slashes of zigzag static from streaking across the screen.

When I think of how different my life is now, and how different the childhoods of my grandchildren are from my own, it boggles my mind. Even my profession didn’t exist then. Coaching was limited to sports, and science-based hand analysis hadn’t been discovered.

And at the same time, my Connections Life Purpose did exist, and I’m grateful for the chance to live it even more fully now, in 2016.

How about you? Where have you been? What childhood experiences and memories continue to impress and shape you? And where is your Life Purpose calling you to go?

Independence Day

Independence Day

This week, we in the US celebrated Independence Day.Fireworks

Barbecues and fireworks are what we typically associate with the Fourth of July. This year, spanning the entire weekend, random neighbors were setting off personal fireworks. I didn’t get much sleep; our poor dog was traumatized, and trying to be a good ‘mom,’ I attempted to soothe her. Curled on the couch with this panting, quivering pet gave me a chance to think a bit about the whole concept of independence—of freedom.

Back in 1776, those upstart colonists, chafing under British colonial rule, declared their independence from King George, and spent the next seven years fighting the American revolutionary war.

Fast forward 240 years. We are no longer subjects of the British crown. Instead, we are subjects of governmental and financial systems, often run amok. The political canvas in this election year is painted in the most ludicrous, garish colors I’ve ever encountered. But this isn’t a political rant—nope, not going there!

What it does make me consider, though, is what Stephen Covey described in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People as our Circle of Concern and our Circle of Influence. Our Circle of Concern consists of those events and circumstances over which we have no control. The hateful, violent tragedies that seem to have become almost commonplace occurrences are in my Circle of Concern. They grieve me deeply, and I can’t control them.

What l can control, however, is what lies in my Circle of Influence. This, for me, is where freedom actively impacts my daily life. The choices I make, the words I speak (both to others and to myself), and the kindness I show—all of these are in my Circle of Influence. I can make a difference, right here, right now, to each person who interacts with me.

We all have this freedom of choice.

And this freedom can lead to living our Life Purpose, collecting those experiences that will fulfill us, and make life better for those in our Circle of Influence. Or it can lead to squandering these priceless, irreplaceable days of our life on earth.

To quote Mary Oliver:

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

 

Belonging

Belonging

My colleague and friend, Vanessa Sage, has an Instagram challenge going on this month. She is providing a one-word prompt for every day in May, and anyone who wants to participate posts a photo that exemplifies the meaning of that word. Vanessa’s Instagram handle is vanessasagelife, and the hashtag for her challenge is #enchantyoureveryday.

Isn’t that a beautiful concept—enchanting your everyday?

Anyway, today’s prompt is ‘belonging,’ and it made me think about the various places where I feel I belong.

The first thing that popped into my head was last Sunday’s dinner with my husband, children, and grandchildren. After dinner, we gathered in the living room for a movie, with my 3-year-old grandson curled up in my lap. It was the epitome of belonging. My son doesn’t want photos of his children on the internet, so I’m not posting a picture about that experience—I’ll just savor it in my heart.

Then I thought about the retreat I helped to facilitate a couple of weeks ago. Here isCornerstone Retreatants the whole group—our team and our retreatants, with faces small enough to defy recognition. But I hope you can feel the positive energy, the connection, the belonging, that permeated each of us.

Being with women who are on a spiritual quest, who care enough to spend some time exploring their own relationship with the divine, with themselves, and with each other, gave me a special sense of belonging. It even reminded me of the way I feel when I am sharing Soul Psychology insights with clients who are curious about what their hands have to tell them.

How about you? Where do you experience belonging?

 

 

 

Bag the Bullhorn

Bag the Bullhorn

This last weekend, I attended a religious education conference in Anaheim. This conference is a diverse gathering of about 40,000. As the name suggests, it was originally designed for religious educators, but anyone is welcome to attend. There are three days of workshops, an exhibit hall with booths sharing everything from books to fair trade coffee, and full-sized replica of the Chartres labyrinth to take some silent time and walk. A friend of mine calls this conference a spiritual Disneyland. 

Anaheim, February 26, 2016

Anaheim, February 26, 2016

Even with the enormous crowds, there was a spirit of camaraderie. We were all there to learn and share and grow, with workshop subjects ranging from The Racial Divide in the United States to The Power of Beauty. Something I noticed as I looked at the attendees’ faces was that they were open, and, for the most part, smiling.

There was only one jarring note. Outside the Anaheim Convention Center, where conference attendees were walking from the convention building to surrounding hotels for various workshops, stood a man with a bullhorn. He held a large picket sign, and informed us that we were doomed to hellfire because our faith tradition differed from his.

I didn’t engage with this man, but I did wonder what his intention was. Did he believe that blasting attendees with a bullhorn would result in conversion to his way of thinking? Was he honestly hoping to change our minds? Did he simply want to make us feel uncomfortable, or angry? Was he following his conscience, believing that it didn’t matter whether or not his message fell on deaf ears—it was his responsibility to share it?

I don’t know. What I believe is that our spiritual path is very personal, and every one of us has the sacred obligation to discern that path for ourselves. It’s very similar to living our Life Purpose; once we know what our Life Purpose is, and commit to living it, we each choose a unique, appropriate path to its fulfillment. That is the joy of understanding where you are going.

And a blast with a bullhorn is no help at all.

 

 

TED Talk

Getting the Message

A few days ago, our daughter sent me a link to fabulous TED talk. Here’s the link, if you want to have a listen:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KkKuTCFvzI

This talk shared the results of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, a 75-year study of 722 men. The participants comprised two groups—the first consisted of Harvard sophomores, the second was made up of the most disadvantaged youth in South Boston.

Researchers tracked these men continuously throughout their lives, using extensive questionnaires, interviews, medical tests, and conversations with their spouses and children. The purpose was to investigate what kept them happy and healthy. Was it a function of background? Advantages? Achievements? Hard work? Money? Fame? Career satisfaction?

You may already have guessed the answer. The study (which still continues for about 60 men who are now in their 90’s) determined that good relationships are what makebench-1052066_640 us happier and healthier, both physically and mentally. People who are socially connected are happier and healthier. Period. And a startling fact—those who were happiest in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.

For me, it was gratifying to hear that something I have believed in my heart all along now has significant scientific validation. And one of the most touching parts of all, that so impacts me in my own Life Purpose, was our daughter’s comment when she sent this link. She said, “Thought of you and Dad while I was watching this! Enjoy!”

I’m so glad she’s getting the message early in life!